Uh, yeah.

Study: Skinny Women Better for Bottom Line;

Researchers find thin models make viewers like brands more, but themselves less.

This gem of an article can be found here.

I will sum this article up very concisely: hot babes sell, fatty-regular-non-celery-eating-tub-o-lards not so much.

You say lactose intolerant, we say girly-man

Mike's Hard Lemonade (not just a ballpark refreshment for kids mind you) has gotten back on the advertising wagon after a few year lull.

Much like their past efforts, MHL is targeting the "tough guy" demographic which is reflected in the (lack of) substance of their advertisements.  Gumisnotasnack.com spoke to Mack Holden, chief marketing officer of the World Wide Web about this strategy.  "Mike's Hard Lemonade's new marketing is an apparent contradiction because of the lack of reality distilled into the efforts.  My 15 year old daughter wouldn't even be caught dead drinking Mike's, as research shows that 84% of Mike's consumption is by the 8-11 female demographic."  Mr. Holden and his firm, known simply by most as, 'the internet,' also found that there is no empirical or verifiable evidence of Mike's Hard Lemonade consumption by the following groups:

-Construction workers

-Factory Foremen

-Tough guys

-Frat boys

-Human beings over the age of 14

The contradictory efforts become even more convoluted once the advertisements are actually viewed.  The essence of the execution above is ostensibly aimed at detracting any yuppie-girly-men, the type who drink soy milk (or are lactose-intolerant for that matter, as that is an apparent sign of 'sissy-tude') from consuming the beverage. This effort would be well and good, if not for the insertion into both the product line and advertisement, of Mike's Light Hard Lemonade.  

A brief analysis of the selling message yields the following: It is ok to worry about caloric intake (and ostensibly body-image, blood sugar, et al.) but if you drink soy milk, back off buster, this product is not for you.

Double-Intenuandos

In an absolut world, advertising this bad would be punishable by flogging

These ads were sent to us by an avid reader, Mack Holden, a fine writer in his own regard. I think I speak for all GINAS readers when i say, "thanks Mack."

In continuing the theme of advertising that really grinds my gears I proudly [sic.] present three executions from the "In an Absolut world" campaign. What is especially troubling is that, judging by Absolut's past advertising trends, this shitstorm of a campaign will likely last for decades.

The boring headline/tagline/amalgamated mess (which is begging for ellipses.  Does Chiat/Day not have proofreaders?) segues into trite imagery that can only be described as "gear grinding."

Rather than analyzing these ads verbatim (which really grinds my gears), I will provide the ostensible sublines that were so conveniently ommited to make them less morally reprehensible.  Ok fine, I will also briefly rant on each.

Ad 1: In an Absolut world...

"Obvious and predictable images would be edgy"

"You could stick with the bottle campaign for 10 more years"

"This wouldn't be considered anti-semitic" (it's ok, my dad's a Jew)

"Everyone would get Pinocchio references"

Kudos for finding the single most generic and benign secret-service agent ever.  The absence of dark aviator glasses is quite cutting edge, only in an Absolut world.

Also, with Disney movie references, perhaps Absolut should amend their "Absolut World" idea to better reflect the totality of those who understand the whole "big nose= lying" connotation.  Something tells me that little boys and girls touted by Sally Struthers in third world countries would be rather confused by this one.  Quite the dilemma, as "In an Absolut developed capitalist market World" doesn't really have the same ring to it.

Ad 2: In an Absolut world...

"everyone's name is dirk"

"an inch feels like eight"

"standards of measure are thrown out the window to accommodate the well hung(take that metric)"

"everything measures up to that one guy in college"

"foreskin would really be eightskin"

A dick reference, edgy.  I suppose this has been an underlying theme in Absolut's advertising, as the bottle could be perceived by Tipper Gore types as "phallic."  I'm extremely distracted by the decision to go with 8 inches here; I imagine the decision was made on a slow tuesday about an hour before lunch, in a conversation much like the one below:

"So we need to somehow convey that in an absolut world, everyone has a huge dick"

"How big is huge?"

"I dunno, 12 inches?"

"Damn, that is huge"

"Too huge?"

"I don't know man, that's pretty huge."

"That's true"

"What about 10 inches?"

"Dude, I one knew a guy..."

"Bro..."

"..."

"10 is pretty huge"

(Female AE walks by)

"My ex-boyfriend was 8 inches, that was the biggest I've seen"

(AE walks away)

"8 sounds good"

"Yeah"

"That chick's a slut"

"Totally"

"I'd hit it"

Ad 3: In an Absolut world...

"My apartment would be furnished exclusively by ikea"

"Sex dolls would be modularly designed, and easily packable"

"You wouldn't have to clean up your Hung Harry doll when grandma comes over for brunch"

"Your man-friend would be an amalgamation of Brett Michaels, a generic Williamsburg hipster, and Billy Zane"

"This box would have come with lube"

Ignoring the obvious gender stereotyping and playing into the whole "ideal man" thing, what really grinds my gears about this ad is the packing peanuts.  Seriously, in an Absolut World, packages still come with those annoying, crumbly, get all over everything in sight packing peanuts?  Perhaps I don't fully grasp the "idea" behind this campaign, for a moment I thought that they substituted "idyllic" with "Absolut," but clearly not, as in my idyllic world, packages would be padded with money or my sense of self-pride, not the most heinous invention in packing history.   

As this is the internet, which I've been told is interactive, please feel free to come up with your own subliness in the comments section.  The best one will win the admiration of the entire internet.

please examine this closely

(click on the image to get a better view)


Amy Winehouse- wtf, cnn.com visitors? ::sigh::

When a man's junk becomes a women's choice

There is a disconcerting trend that is becoming increasingly prevalent in the world of advertising, one that looks to sabotage and erase any remaining autonomy men in relationships have over their consumption decisions. I'm talking of course about advertising male-exclusive products to women through the use of male eye-candy.

This trend seems to be deliberate and contrived, as each ad follows a stringent set of guidelines without any level of deviation. The guidelines are:

• All men must appear shirtless, and if possible, in tight-fitting, gonad displaying undergarments

• All said men must have at LEAST a six-pack of abs; eight-packs and greater are strongly encouraged

• There should be no copy present in the ads with the exception of that which further articulates the hunkiness of males depicted

• All males must appear glistening with apparent post-copulation induced sweat; procreation sells

• Products/Brands should have no logical connection to any of the imagery and/or be depicted on the models. To clarify: An ad for Diesel blue jeans should not depict anyone wearing blue jeans, the appropriate iconography would be a total beefcake, dripping with sweat, wearing either a shard of denim, or more favorably, an androgynous waif's head blocking said beefcakes genitalia (Note: Unless ad is for a European market, then prominently displaying the beefcake's junk is the proper mode of action).

These ads seek to circumvent males in the male-specific product buying decision by appealing to their significant others, who through delusional logic, will encourage (read: force) the male in question to purchase the product with the hope that it's consumption will directly lead to eight-pack abs, and general increase in beefcakieness. Of course when the mere mortal males consume the products their guts still hang distended above their belt in shame and disappointment. This reality has forced advertisers to find even foxier male models, models who have muscles we didn't even know existed, toned to a perfect level of beefcake.

It will be interesting to track the progress of this trend in the future, to see if advertisers can recreate and one up themselves in hopes of fooling dissatisfied girlfriends into an idealized notion of reality. While the future may be unsure, many advertising experts believe that the far reaches of Eastern Europe will have to be tapped to find abs only thought possible with the help of Adobe Photoshop.

Editors Note:

The same advertising logic applies to women-specific products being marketed to men. To fully understand this, re-read the above article replacing any mention of males with females and females with males. Two articles in one.

Grinding My Gears...

10 template options for blogging? really? my gears are grinding...