When a man's junk becomes a women's choice

There is a disconcerting trend that is becoming increasingly prevalent in the world of advertising, one that looks to sabotage and erase any remaining autonomy men in relationships have over their consumption decisions. I'm talking of course about advertising male-exclusive products to women through the use of male eye-candy.

This trend seems to be deliberate and contrived, as each ad follows a stringent set of guidelines without any level of deviation. The guidelines are:

• All men must appear shirtless, and if possible, in tight-fitting, gonad displaying undergarments

• All said men must have at LEAST a six-pack of abs; eight-packs and greater are strongly encouraged

• There should be no copy present in the ads with the exception of that which further articulates the hunkiness of males depicted

• All males must appear glistening with apparent post-copulation induced sweat; procreation sells

• Products/Brands should have no logical connection to any of the imagery and/or be depicted on the models. To clarify: An ad for Diesel blue jeans should not depict anyone wearing blue jeans, the appropriate iconography would be a total beefcake, dripping with sweat, wearing either a shard of denim, or more favorably, an androgynous waif's head blocking said beefcakes genitalia (Note: Unless ad is for a European market, then prominently displaying the beefcake's junk is the proper mode of action).

These ads seek to circumvent males in the male-specific product buying decision by appealing to their significant others, who through delusional logic, will encourage (read: force) the male in question to purchase the product with the hope that it's consumption will directly lead to eight-pack abs, and general increase in beefcakieness. Of course when the mere mortal males consume the products their guts still hang distended above their belt in shame and disappointment. This reality has forced advertisers to find even foxier male models, models who have muscles we didn't even know existed, toned to a perfect level of beefcake.

It will be interesting to track the progress of this trend in the future, to see if advertisers can recreate and one up themselves in hopes of fooling dissatisfied girlfriends into an idealized notion of reality. While the future may be unsure, many advertising experts believe that the far reaches of Eastern Europe will have to be tapped to find abs only thought possible with the help of Adobe Photoshop.

Editors Note:

The same advertising logic applies to women-specific products being marketed to men. To fully understand this, re-read the above article replacing any mention of males with females and females with males. Two articles in one.